[Even ChatGPT Couldn't Handle It] I Seriously Deciphered the "Manuscript of Our Feline Overlord" Written During Work Due to Cat Harassment

Speaking of worries during remote work, it's my beloved cat's "attention-seeking" behavior. In my house, for some reason, Jiji, a tortoiseshell cat, gets clingy only when I'm writing an article, and sits in front of the computer screen. She stomps all over the keyboard almost every day, diligently helping me with my drafts in cat language.

Once indulged, "disrupting writing" became a routine

As a freelance writer, writing articles at home is my daily routine. I'm grateful to be able to work this way due to a chronic illness, but I'm constantly bothered by "cat harassment" during remote work.

While I'm writing, Kotaro, a tabby, and Leon, a ginger cat, are usually sound asleep, which is a big help. But for some reason, only Jiji gets into clingy mode.

When I actually want her to be affectionate or have time to play with her, she'll act all "Oh? I'm busy" and squeeze herself next to the TV or sleep a little distance away from me. It always makes me wonder why she only acts like this when I'm working.

This behavior became a habit one day when Jiji, unlike her usual slow pace, quickly climbed the cat steps and came in front of my computer, and I showered her with affection.

At first, I tried to suppress my desire to play with her, firm in my resolve to work, and continued writing my article. But Jiji started rubbing her head against my body and hitting my face with her "manju-like" paws, using brute force!

She's usually not very assertive, so her pleas were incredibly cute, and I found myself hugging her, carrying her, and spoiling her rotten, asking, "Oh, you love me that much? Do you want attention?"

That was a mistake. I guess at that moment, Jiji learned, "If I get clingy in front of the computer, it's super effective!" Since then, every time I sit in front of the computer, Jiji comes rushing over as if to say, "Time to be spoiled!"

If I harden my heart and ignore her insistent pleas for attention, Jiji comes up with a new strategy. She'll stretch her legs out in front of me, walking very slowly back and forth, as if to say, "Oh, I'll walk super slowly and stretch my legs. I might get touched if I walk this slowly. Oh well." Isn't she too cunning...?

Her thoughtfully devised plan is so cute that I can't help but give her attention, and then she gets excited and starts stomping on the keyboard...

At first, I'd tell her, "I'm working, so don't step on the keyboard." But after a few days of correcting her, I started to think, "Isn't it terrible of me to scold her when all she wants is attention?" So, I changed my perspective.

That's right! I decided to let Jiji walk all over the keyboard to her heart's content. And then, I'd share her "drafts" on social media and have everyone decipher them.

I had ChatGPT decipher a draft written in cat language.

After Jiji "wrote" a few drafts, I started to understand which keys she liked to step on, and I felt a sense of warmth. My followers and acquaintances also enjoyed it, saying, "The cat's drafts are funny, please keep them coming." I started to think, "Cat harassment is the best!"

The cat-language drafts Jiji writes are always unique. Sometimes, there's even a "wee" that reminds me of Yuriko Yoshitaka getting excited after a highball.

今日も、おキャット様が書いてくれました👇最後、吉高由里子さんいるなｗ…

— ゆあ ｜ ライター🖊 (@yunc24291) May 27, 2024

Looking at the string of words and symbols that no human could ever arrange, I felt an itch to decipher them.

...Alright. Let's try to decipher it with all my might. That's what I thought, and I turned to the much-talked-about "ChatGPT." When I'm in trouble, I tend to rely on others.

I decided to have the clever AI decipher the most challenging cat language. To avoid giving up halfway, I boosted "ChatGPT's" confidence by calling it a "highly excellent translator" beforehand, and then asked it to "decipher" Jiji's draft, which skillfully used kanji conversions.

However, what came back was shocking.

Meaningless string of characters, you say...!!!! How rude! Apologize to the Cat Majesty! Surely, the Cat Majesty's cries from the heart are packed in there!

Fuming, but still wanting a decipherment, I decided to provide "ChatGPT" with supplementary information. Since it had asked for specific details, I even gave it the special service of telling it that a cat had walked on the keyboard.

In a childish fit of stubbornness, I questioned "ChatGPT" again. However, what came back was still the sad phrase "meaningless string of characters." (Of course it was.)

Perhaps it's because I got angry at the initial response, saying, "There IS meaning!" The tone of "ChatGPT" feels softer now, and it kind of stings...

Deciphering the meaning of undecipherable "cat language" through self-interpretation

Perhaps I'm the only one in the world who can understand the language of the Cat Majesty, who lives with me every day. Alright, I'm definitely going to decipher it. With that thought, I set about translating the cat language that I had tried to dump on ChatGPT.

Q. Translate the following cat language into human language.

"63＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋＋ウy7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7宇y7うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７うｙ７"

Hmm, looking at the keyboard, 63 has "o" and "a" written next to it in hiragana, so this must be "oa". Oh...! I think I was wearing a blue shirt that day. Yes, let's go with that. (Fabrication of memory) Maybe Jiji was trying to express that. Genius.

Following that line of thought, 7 on the keyboard is written as "ya," so "Uy7" might be "unya" (meow). It's too smart to express meows with letters. Genius.

Hmm... The remaining mystery is the "+". So, "ao + unya" means "ao" (=me) + "unya" (Jiji)? Oh...! Maybe she's trying to say we're two peas in a pod (old phrase)!! Jiji, you really love me that much!! Cute. Genius. You're the cutest!

...In the end, I settled on this self-serving interpretation and was satisfied. As I nuzzled her, saying, "Let's be two peas in a pod forever! I love you!" Jiji looked at me with a completely cold stare.