“Don’t Blame Yourself for Not Being Able to Save Your Cat”: How to Protect Your Mental Health When Your Beloved Cat’s Life is in Danger

At the end of 2024, when my beloved cat Jiji, who had been with me for over 10 years, was diagnosed with angiosarcoma and his life was in danger, I felt for the first time that the future of "my cat's death" had become a reality.

Pet loss is certainly painful, but pet owners feel a considerable amount of pain and sadness even before losing their beloved cats. Especially during treatment for an illness, they worry about "what the best treatment for this child would be," and when they see them weakening, they sometimes blame themselves, thinking, "Couldn't I have done something else?"

At such times, how should I protect my heart and face the cruel reality of "losing my beloved cat"? This time, I would like to share my thoughts on "how to protect your heart."

The treatment chosen by the owner is always the "best."

When you are struggling with your beloved cat's illness together, you can feel a lot of pressure. For example, when choosing a treatment policy. You might wonder what kind of treatment this child, who speaks a different language than you, would want, and you might lose confidence in the direction of treatment you have chosen.

Honestly, I also sometimes worry about how I will continue to extend Jiji's life if his angiosarcoma metastasizes in the future.

Some people want palliative care, while others want aggressive treatment. It might be the same for cats, so you desperately want to know what your beloved cat truly feels.

However, on the other hand, I think: if it's the owner who has been closest to and known their beloved cat best, then that choice must be the "best choice" for that child.

No matter how hard humans and cats try, they cannot overcome the language barrier, but they can connect through their hearts. If you think about it calmly, that's a very deep bond. Because even with humans, families rarely connect this deeply.

There aren't many relationships where you can somehow understand demands and emotions without exchanging words.

Therefore, please be confident in the "past with your beloved cat" that has woven such a bond, and forgive your own choices. If it's a treatment decided by an owner who has tried their best to be the best understander, then whatever the choice, it's surely the best and correct one for your beloved cat.

Your beloved cat will not blame the owner who chose treatment, wishing to know their feelings, after having spent loving days with them.

Besides, the decisions made by owners are proof that they tried to protect that precious life to the very end. I truly hope that you will protect your heart without blaming yourself.

Don't blame yourself even if you couldn't make the "optimal" choice.

When Jiji's condition suddenly worsened, what I keenly realized was the harsh reality that, no matter how hard you try, there are cases where it's difficult to save a life depending on where you live and when the sudden change occurs.

The area where I live is rural, and there are no 24-hour veterinary hospitals. And during long holidays such as the New Year, if an emergency occurs at night, it's impossible to find a vet that can see him.

Even the animal hospital that was listed online as handling night emergency care during long holidays didn't pick up when I called them on New Year's Eve. My last resort was gone, and I panicked.

It's cruel and sad, but in this society where animal lives are still not given enough importance, there are indeed lives that cannot be saved due to the region they live in or the timing of an emergency. But that's not the owner's fault. It's a problem that cannot be solved by oneself and a challenge that society must face.

So, even if you couldn't take the optimal action or treatment, please don't blame yourself for your choices. You don't have to push yourself by thinking, "I didn't notice the change..." I believe that your strong desire to save them definitely reached "that child."

It's difficult to use regret as a springboard, but I want to think about what I can do to prevent life-and-death choices from happening even in the animal world. I sincerely hope that veterinary medicine will gradually become more convenient and reassuring.

Living "this moment" to the fullest together

It might be a cliché, but when your beloved cat is undergoing treatment, I think it's incredibly important to firmly hold onto this resolve in your heart.

During an illness, you tend to make a difficult face and shed many tears. You fluctuate between joy and sorrow over test results, and at an unexpected moment, the future without this child may cross your mind.

When Jiji's battle with illness first began, I was bewildered by the gravity of the diagnosis of "angiosarcoma," which has an uncertain prognosis. I spent my days searching the internet for information on "how long he would live..." and crying.

But then I noticed Jiji, who had completely changed from before his illness, now following me around and constantly wanting to be by my side. I realized that I was making him worry unnecessarily.

Living a life where he constantly saw his owner crying must have been painful for kind-hearted Jiji. Even though our time together might be short, I was burdening his heart. I felt that I was only comforting him in a self-centered way.

Cats, like humans, are greatly affected by stress on their health. So, I realized and decided that I had to be prepared first, so as not to cause him any unnecessary worry. Even if the time we could spend together was short, I would make it dense and meaningful.

After I made that vow, I cried less, and my feelings gradually became more positive. Since "angiosarcoma" in cats has an unknown prognosis, there's always a chance for a miracle. I started telling myself, "Jiji and I will be okay."

Accepting the reality that the time you have with your beloved cat might be short is very painful. However, I personally believe that there is also mental care that can only be done by accepting that reality.

I'm not saying you should forcefully try to be positive, but one important form of mental care that only an owner can do is to reflect your smiling face in your beloved cat's eyes for even one second longer, making them happy.

It's okay to take your time, but for both the owner and the cat, I hope you can find a way to live through the illness without being overly consumed by tears.

Even though I think about ways to protect my heart like this, I know that when the "final moment" approaches, I will cry a lot. But I think that's okay. Because the pain of losing the warmth that has been by my side for decades is just like that.

Cats are creatures that teach us love. So, I hope that the humans chosen to be their servants can convey their love by saying "You are precious" and "I love you" in various ways until the very end.

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