“Don’t Blame Yourself for Not Being Able to Save Your Cat”: How to Protect Your Mental Health When Your Beloved Cat’s Life is in Danger

At the end of 2024, when my beloved cat Gigi, who has been by my side for over ten years, was diagnosed with hemangiosarcoma and his life was in jeopardy, I feel it was the first time I realistically accepted the future of "losing my beloved cat."

Pet loss is, of course, painful, but as owners, we feel an immense amount of suffering and sorrow even before losing our cats. Especially while they are undergoing treatment, you worry about whether you are making the best choices for them, and seeing them grow weaker can lead you to blame yourself, wondering if there was anything more you could have done.

When you are in that situation, how do you protect your heart and face the cruel reality of "losing your cat"? In this article, I would like to share the ways I have found to "protect your heart."

The treatment chosen by the owner is always the "best"

Struggling through a battle with illness hand-in-hand with your cat can put a great deal of pressure on you. For example, choosing a treatment plan. Because this child speaks a different language than I do, I sometimes find myself losing confidence in the treatment direction I chose, wondering what kind of treatment they might want.

Honestly, I also worry about how I will keep Gigi's life going if his "hemangiosarcoma" spreads in the future.

Just like humans, some wish for palliative care, while others want aggressive treatment. Cats may be the same, and it makes you desperate to know your cat’s true feelings.

However, at the same time, I think: if it is the owner who has watched over and known their cat the longest who is making the choice, then that must be the "best choice" for that child.

No matter how hard humans and cats try, we cannot overcome the language barrier, but we are connected at the heart. When you think about it calmly, that is a truly deep bond. After all, it is rare for even human family members to be connected this deeply.

It is rare to have a relationship where you can somehow understand each other's needs and emotions without exchanging words.

Therefore, I hope you have confidence in the "time spent with your cat" that has woven such a bond, and that you forgive your own choices. If it is a treatment decided by an owner who has tried their best to be their cat's greatest advocate, any choice you make is surely the best and correct one for your cat.

Your cat will not blame the owner who has woven days of love and yet still wishes to know their child's feelings.

Furthermore, the decisions you make are proof that you tried to protect that precious life until the very end. I truly hope you will protect your heart without blaming yourself.

Do not blame yourself even when you cannot make the "optimal" choice

When Gigi’s condition suddenly changed, what hit home for me was the harsh reality that no matter how hard you try, it can be difficult to save a life depending on where you live or the timing of the emergency.

I live in a rural area, and there are no 24-hour veterinary hospitals. During long holidays like the New Year, if an emergency happens at night, there are no hospitals available to see your pet.

Even the hospitals listed online as offering nighttime service during holidays did not pick up when I actually tried to call on New Year’s Eve. Having lost my last resort, I fell into a panic.

It is cruel and sad, but in a society where animal lives are not yet prioritized, there are indeed lives that cannot be saved depending on location and timing. But that is not the owner's fault. It is a problem that cannot be solved alone and a challenge society must face.

So, even if you were unable to provide the optimal care or treatment, please don't blame your choices. You don't need to drive yourself into a corner by thinking, "I didn't notice the change..." I believe your desire of "I wanted to save them no matter what" absolutely reached your cat.

While it is hard to turn frustration into momentum, I want to think about what I can do so that such life-or-death selection doesn't occur in the animal world either. I sincerely hope that animal medical care will gradually become more accessible and reliable.

Living this "moment" together with all our might

It may be a cliché, but I think it is very important to keep this resolution firmly in your heart while your cat is undergoing treatment.

During a battle with illness, you naturally end up wearing a worried expression and shedding many tears. You are swayed by test results, and in quiet moments, the "future without them" may cross your mind.

When Gigi’s treatment began, I was bewildered by the weight of the diagnosis "hemangiosarcoma," which has an uncertain prognosis, and I spent my days crying after searching for information online, wondering "how much longer can he live?"

However, seeing Gigi following me around and wanting to be by my side constantly—a change from how he was before—made me realize: Oh, I am causing him unnecessary worry.

For a kind-hearted cat like Gigi, seeing his owner crying all the time must have been painful. Even though the time we have left together might be short, I was placing a burden on his heart. I realized I was only offering comfort in a self-centered way.

Cats are the same as humans; the impact of stress on health is significant. So, I realized I had to prepare myself first so as not to cause him any more worry. I made a resolution: even if the time we have together is short, I will make it a rich, dense time.

Since making that vow, the tears have lessened, and my feelings have gradually become more positive. Since the prognosis for feline "hemangiosarcoma" is uncertain, there is a possibility that miracles can happen. Gigi and I will be okay. I became able to talk to him like that.

Accepting the reality that the time you can spend with your cat might be short is very painful. However, I personally think there is mental care that can only be practiced by accepting that.

I am not saying you should force yourself to look ahead, but reflecting your smiling self in your beloved cat's eyes for even one extra second to make them feel warm and happy is an important part of mental care that only an owner can provide.

Take your time, and I hope you can find a way to navigate this treatment journey without being consumed by tears—for both your sake and your cat's.

Even though I have thought about these ways to protect my heart, I know that when the "final moment" nears, I will end up crying my eyes out. But I think that is fine. Because I believe the pain of losing the warmth that has been by your side for decades is just that.

Cats are creatures that teach us love. And so, I hope that we humans chosen as their servants can continue to express our love in various ways, saying "You are precious" and "I love you," until the very end.

List of articles by this author >>