"Because I don't want to have any regrets until the very end..." "Preparing for goodbye" you should do during your beloved cat's final illness

When an animal faces an illness with no cure, it feels like the beginning of the end, and the owner’s heart inevitably becomes unstable. In such a situation, thinking about how to say goodbye to one's beloved cat is truly painful.

Because if wishes could come true, we would want to be together forever.

However, during the illness period, by accepting even a little bit the painful and realistic future of "the death of my beloved cat" looming nearby, and preparing for the farewell, you might be able to say goodbye with fewer regrets.

This time, I will talk about the "preparations for parting" I made during my cat's illness, even as I wished for her to live forever.

The meaning of "lifelong care" I considered amidst wavering emotions

My cat, Jiji, had malignant tumors called hemangiosarcoma that metastasized, causing pleural effusion to accumulate. Even when drained once a week, the constantly accumulating pleural fluid was a source of great distress.

When pleural fluid accumulates, her body would visibly deflate with each breath. I spent my days observing this deflation and deciding, "Today, I should go to the vet to have the pleural fluid drained."

Day by day, Jiji’s breathing became more labored, and even purring became a life-threatening effort. Watching my beloved companion suffer so much, my heart was a mess.

I didn't want her to suffer anymore, but I still wanted her to stay with me. I wanted to ease her pain, but I didn't want her to leave me. Don't leave me alone.

Filled with conflicting emotions, I was simply terrified to imagine a day without Jiji.

But then, it suddenly occurred to me. Not just during this illness, but seeing her off with as much care as possible until her very last moments is the greatest expression of love an owner can give, and the true meaning of lifelong care.

From that moment, I began to think about the future "after my cat's death," which I had been avoiding.

Starting the "search for a pet funeral home" in parallel with the illness

Honestly, thinking about "what happens after my cat dies" while she was ill was mentally agonizing.

But I decided I was done with my own suffering. It was okay if I suffered, if I felt pain. That no longer mattered.

At that time, what was important to me was not protecting my own heart, but paving the way for a "farewell" that would ensure my beloved cat would not be treated carelessly in her final moments and that her life would be respected.

First, I considered the "method of mourning." There are mainly two patterns for animal funerals.

① Take the remains to a pet funeral home yourself and conduct the funeral and cremation.

② Call a mobile crematorium to your home and perform the cremation on-site.

Furthermore, there are two patterns for cremation: "group cremation," where the animal is cremated with other animals, and "individual cremation," where only that animal is cremated.

Additionally, modern pet funeral homes offer a wide variety of mourning methods, such as a monk chanting sutras or allowing bone retrieval. There's even an option to pulverize the bones, so owners can consider where, how, and with what kind of cremation they want to send off their pet, and then find a funeral home that meets their wishes.

However, the diversity of mourning methods also presents difficulties. Immediately after a beloved cat passes away, the owner's body and mind feel like an empty shell. In such a state, I think it would be quite difficult to find a funeral home that could fulfill one's wishes from among the many options available.

I always believed that I wanted to entrust my cat’s final moments to a pet funeral home that would not treat her life lightly or impersonally just because she was an animal. But when I imagined myself after her death, I wasn’t confident that I could calmly evaluate funeral homes to find one that would perform the cremation I desired.

Perhaps it's too late to choose a funeral home for an animal after it has passed away... I thought, and so I began searching for funeral homes in parallel with her treatment.

If I had cherished her until the very end, only to choose a bad funeral home that mishandled her remains or failed to leave behind bones, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

Navigating between "life" and "death" is quite exhausting. But I heard there are unscrupulous pet funeral homes out there, so I think I managed to push through with the resolve of, "I will not let Jiji fall into the hands of such a company. I will protect Jiji's dignity until the very end!"

When choosing a pet funeral home, I referred to Google reviews. Beyond the content of the reviews, I felt a warmth from pet funeral homes that provided non-template responses to each and every review, so after researching their services, I added them to my list of candidates.

I also asked friends who had experienced losing an animal about the funeral homes they used.

I plan to write about this in a separate essay later, but thanks to this careful selection process, I was able to find a pet funeral home that created an unparalleled "farewell moment," allowing me to send her off without regrets, and for that, I was truly grateful.

Of course, there are times when you might be forced to choose a pet funeral home without time to think, such as in the case of a sudden death of your beloved cat.

However, how you say goodbye to your beloved cat can become both a lifelong memory and a wound, so if you are in a situation where you can plan ahead, I encourage you to research information in advance for both your cat's sake and your own. It is important to find a funeral home you can trust and to clarify the desired form of cremation or funeral.

By the way, it’s recommended to find about 2-3 pet funeral homes you want to entrust with the service. This is because, depending on the funeral home's schedule, it might not be possible to perform the cremation on your desired day.

In my case, I was initially told that only weekdays were possible, but a cancellation suddenly occurred, and they were able to do it on a Sunday. This allowed my husband to also participate in the cremation.

Jiji often secretly observed my husband as if she had a crush on him when she was alive, so I’m sure she was happy that my husband also attended.

Even for such small details, I hope you will research pet funeral homes while your cat is still alive, so you can have as few regrets as possible.

Confirming family members' "intention to attend cremation and funeral"

After choosing a pet funeral home, what I did was "confirm the desired farewell method" with my family. My parents live on the same property as me, and they adored Jiji, so I asked them, "When Jiji passes away, I'm thinking of calling a mobile crematorium to our home and picking up her bones. Will you attend?"

In this way, confirming the "form of farewell" desired by family members who have been involved with your beloved cat can be quite difficult after the cat has passed away. When faced with a rapidly stiffening body, one tends to feel rushed and think, "I need to get her cremated quickly..."

Since it's natural to feel this way, I think it's a good idea to confirm the family's feelings and wishes while your beloved cat is still alive, so that no one has any regrets.

In our case, my parents decided not to participate in the cremation because they found it too painful to watch, so my husband and I oversaw the cremation and collected the bones ourselves.

I realized once again that it was good to confirm everyone's wishes beforehand, as it's perfectly natural for some people to feel unable to attend a funeral or find it too painful to witness a cremation, precisely because they love the animal so much.

The omission: preparing "rock ice"

I thought I had prepared everything as much as possible, but there was one thing I completely overlooked.

For example, rock ice to cool the body. I hadn't prepared any, so after Jiji passed away, I rushed to the pharmacy and bought three 2kg bags of rock ice.

It was fortunate that the store was open, but driving and shopping right after watching her pass away is quite dangerous. It's better to prepare in advance.

Also, some pet funeral homes may offer to hold the remains, but it can be difficult for them to "come pick up and hold the remains right away." In my case, they said it would be difficult.

Moreover, if cremation can be done the next day, most likely the remains will be kept at home, so it is convenient to prepare the following items in advance:

・A large cardboard box or styrofoam box that can fit the body

→In our case, we happened to have a cardboard box that had contained pet sheets bought in bulk, which saved us.

・Unused bath towel

→This is placed between the rock ice and the body. Over time, bodily fluids may leak from the remains.

By the way, methods for handling remains are often explained in detail with illustrations on pet funeral home websites, so if it's your first time saying goodbye to a beloved cat, those resources can be helpful.

No matter how many times you experience it, saying goodbye to an animal is always sad and painful; you never "get used to it." Especially for first-timers, you might not know what to do and could panic. In such moments, I hope my experience can offer even a little comfort.

In a sense, the period of illness is also "granted time" to think about how to say goodbye to your beloved cat. It would be good to think about the future beyond that, so you can have as few regrets as possible.