How to Comfort Someone Grieving the Loss of a Pet? Top 5 Ways to Console and Encourage, from Someone Who Lost Their Beloved Cat

The pain of pet loss is something that only those who have experienced it can truly understand. Especially if you don't live with animals yourself, you might find yourself at a loss for words when a friend or loved one is suffering from the loss of a pet.

I want to relieve that frustration and help convey the depth of pain that those experiencing pet loss feel. With that in mind, I would like to share the top five things people said to me after I lost my beloved cat, Gigi, that helped ease my heart.

Of course, the words that bring comfort vary from person to person, but I hope my experience and feelings might serve as a helpful reference.

[5th Place] "They must have been glad to live with you."

"If she had a different owner, could Gigi have lived longer?" After losing her, I thought this and blamed myself.

I knew I had provided the best treatment possible and been careful about her health, but if asked, "Was it truly perfect?" I didn't have the confidence to say "yes"...

Whenever I voiced such weakness, hearing followers on X say, "Gigi must have been glad she met you," made my heart feel a little lighter.

Honestly, I still don't have the confidence to know if Gigi felt that way. However, I was happy that we had a relationship that others could view that way, and it became a starting point for me to forgive myself a little.

[4th Place] "They look so happy in every photo."

Was the time Gigi spent with me truly happy? After her loss, when I was thinking about that, these words resonated with me.

During her life, Gigi didn't get along well with my other cat, Kotaro, and would sometimes hiss at him. While it wasn't a relationship of constant hissing, the thought that I had made her live in such an environment became very heavy after her loss.

However, after receiving these words, when I objectively looked at the photos and videos I had taken, I saw many images of Gigi narrowing her eyes in bliss or purring while being held. It allowed me to think, "Maybe I did make her happy after all."

[3rd Place] "They lived this long because you were their owner."

Gigi passed away due to the metastasis of a malignant vascular tumor called a hemangiosarcoma. Hemangiosarcoma is a disease that is difficult to detect early, even with regular check-ups. Often, it is discovered only after the tumor has ruptured.

Still, after her death, I couldn't stop blaming myself, thinking, "If only I had discovered the illness sooner..." I felt that because I was her owner, she passed away at 11 years old.

When I was feeling down, my husband said this to me. He framed the 11 years of her life in the complete opposite way from me, saying, "She was able to live for 11 years because you were her owner." It made me realize there was another way of looking at it, and I burst into tears.

My husband also told me, "You noticed changes I wouldn't have even picked up on, and you did everything you could. Gigi lived her full life."

At that time, I was spending every night holding her urn and crying. These words saved me.

[2nd Place] "It is not strange to feel that way."

A while after losing Gigi, a feeling I couldn't quite name began to grow within me: a desire to eat her ashes.

In the past, when I saw a scene in a cat manga where an owner ate the ashes of their deceased pet, I honestly didn't quite understand the psychology behind it.

But once my own cat actually died, I understood the author's state of mind so well.

Whether eating ashes is hygienic, or whether it’s pointless because it will eventually be excreted—all those realistic thoughts didn't matter. The idea was that by taking my cat into my body through the act of "eating her ashes," she would become a part of me, and we could live together forever. I finally understood why.

I think that wanting to eat your pet's ashes is the ultimate expression of "I want to be with them forever."

However, it is a very sensitive topic to make public. So, while talking with my followers on X, I casually brought it up.

Surprisingly, most people responded with empathy, saying, "I felt that way too," or validated my feelings by saying, "It is not strange to think like that."

I learned then that when someone accepts your unstoppable love for a lost pet and tells you it's "not strange," it brings a great sense of relief to the grieving owner.

[1st Place] "Let's cry as much as we need to right now."

Among all the words I was told, this is the one that saved me the most. The experience of losing a beloved pet is unspeakably painful. Because it hurts so much, you sometimes want to "get over it quickly" and hold back your tears and emotions.

But that restraint will eventually collapse, and giving yourself permission to truly cry and grieve often makes you feel better.

In fact, once my husband and followers on X told me to "cry as much as we need to," I decided, "Alright! I'll cry forever! Even if those around me get tired of hearing 'Are you still crying?', I will grieve as my heart tells me to." From that moment, my heart gradually became lighter.

It’s okay to cry a lot. You can cry until you feel like you’ve used up a lifetime’s worth of tears. After all, the pain of losing a life that cannot be replaced is not something that heals easily.

I truly want these words that saved me to reach those who are struggling to hold back their tears.

"Positive advice" can sometimes cut deep

In my case, I often unconsciously felt pressured to "recover quickly," so being told things like "If you cry too much, Gigi will be sad" or "You won't be able to reach peace if you don't keep smiling" was honestly painful.

Even though I knew my pet would be relieved to see me smile, the reality was that I couldn't, which just made me blame myself even more...

Also, while no one said it to me, advice like "Why don't you get a new pet?" can hurt people, so I think one should be careful when saying it. That is because, to an owner, the pet they lost is a "one-of-a-kind existence that cannot be replaced."

When we see someone suffering from pet loss, we often want to cheer them up and feel compelled to give "advice" based on what we think is best. However, I personally felt that empathy is more healing than advice.

When someone who had the same experience empathized with me, I felt relieved to know, "I’m not the only one who feels this way." And even if they weren't someone who had experienced pet loss themselves, people who said, "That must be so painful; it's natural to feel that way," are the reason I survived this far. I'm not exaggerating—I really mean it.

Instead of giving your own opinions, just listen earnestly to their feelings. I believe there are many others experiencing pet loss like me who find salvation in that kind of support.

Is it arrogant of me to want people who don't live with animals to understand the pain of pet loss...? Honestly, I have thought that before, but pet loss is, in a sense, a "bereavement."

Even if it is not a human, I believe that society as a whole thinking about how to overcome the sadness and pain of bereavement with a cherished being also leads to protecting one's own life.

That is why I want a society where the pain of pet loss cannot be dismissed in just a few words. My beloved cat Gigi, who gave me the opportunity to think about this, will always be a special and dearly loved cat to me.

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