Regrets about "keeping" my previous cat shaped who I am today—What are the critical differences between "keeping" and "living together" that life with a cat taught me?

The phrase "owning a cat" is something we see and hear often. However, it has never quite sat right with me personally. That is why, when I write articles as a cat writer, I translate it into words like "living with a cat," "sharing life with a cat," or "welcoming a cat" to convey the stories between people and cats.

There must be surprisingly many people, like me, who don't feel comfortable with the expression "owning." Why do we cat lovers harbor such opposition or resistance to the word "own"? After thinking about it, I arrived at the answer: perhaps it is because the sense of "living together" is much stronger than that of "keeping."

This time, I would like to talk a little about the difference between "owning" and "living together" as I see it.

The weight of "living together" learned from the resident cats of an era when free-roaming was the norm

When I was a child, it was common for cats to be allowed to roam freely. Fortunately, since we lived in the countryside, my beloved cats were never killed by cars, but to me at the time, cats felt somehow distant.

My previous cats were free-roaming, but they would all return home in the evening looking for food. My parents would feed them, put them in the storage shed, and let them out the next morning.

I only petted them as I pleased when I had time. Because we weren't together around the clock like with indoor cats, I didn't truly understand them, nor did I have a sense of "living together."

As a child, I accepted the then-mainstream practice of free-roaming as natural, but looking back now, that was surely just "owning."

While it was an environment where their basic needs like food and excretion were met, I have no confidence that I was truly satisfying their hearts.

In truth, they might have wanted to be coddled more, or they might have had times when the heat or cold outside was hard to bear. I believe that it is only when we pay attention to such subtle details that "living together" truly becomes a reality.

In fact, it was only after I personally welcomed my own cat and began living a completely indoor life that I learned of the depth of these creatures and was surprised. I knew they were cute, but when you spend time together around the clock, there is an endless series of discoveries because there is so much to notice and understand.

At the same time, my feelings of regret toward the previous cats I could only "own" grew. I felt I had forced them into a life that couldn't be excused by the excuse that "it was just that kind of era."

I learned from my resident cats that coexistence with a cat begins when you don't just settle for "as long as their lives continue," but also look toward their hearts.

"Living together" is comfortable because there is no hierarchy

The reason I feel resistance to the word "owning" is that it seems to imply a hierarchy. Even though it is just two characters in Japanese, there seems to be a quiet pressure in "owning" that puts the keeper above the cat.

But that isn't the relationship I have with my cat. I believe my cat is a being who can take on various roles depending on the time and situation—like a mother, a sibling, a friend, or a lover.

For example, it’s not unusual for her to act like a little sister begging for treats, only to ignore me afterward like a cool boyfriend.

Therefore, even though humans might want to address their cats like royalty, I feel that cats generally don't care much about who is above or below; they just live as they please.

That playfulness feels strangely human, which makes them relatable, and the ease of being in an equal relationship is comforting. What suits that kind of daily life is not "owning," but "living together."

Coexistence might be a form you can only reach by caring for the species from the heart and looking beyond just "owning." Living with a cat makes me feel this way, and I deeply believe that they are not "pets" but "family."

The biggest difference between "owning" and "living together" is how you face life

I believe the biggest difference between "owning" and "living together" is how you face a life. Back when I "owned" my previous cats, I feel people around me didn't have much awareness about taking animals to the vet.

Many people would turn a blind eye to signs of trouble, saying, "Animals have natural healing powers, so it’s fine." Even as a child, I had doubts about that attitude. Even though they taught us the value of life at school and home, I sometimes wondered if we weren't the ones putting different values on different lives.

That is why I was happy to see a trend spreading in society to care for the health of cats as the awareness of "living together" grew.

It is true that animals have higher natural healing powers than humans. However, I believe that picking up their silent cries and connecting them to treatment is an important task that only humans can do.

Now that the spirit of "living together with a beloved cat" has permeated, many people practice regular check-ups to prevent illness. Such a shift in awareness cannot be born without the resolve to treat a cat as a family member and to "protect the life in front of you."

Therefore, I think it is a noble awareness, and I feel as though cats are teaching us that we are capable of loving a single life so deeply.

Not just living, but wanting them to be healthy and happy—modern society has likely advanced so far in coexistence with cats because such strong wishes and regrets from cat lovers have accumulated. It is truly amazing how much cats can captivate humans.

...That said, cats and humans are completely different creatures. Now that our distance from cats has closed, I am painfully reminded that it is important to think about ways for us both to live comfortably without anthropomorphizing them more than necessary, while still understanding their unique characteristics.

As cats live longer, the way humans and cats relate will surely change a little more in the future. After "living together with a cat," what kind of lifestyle will become common...? While imagining that, I want to keep updating my life with my cat toward a better direction, little by little.

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