[Pet Loss Experience] Words you want to tell yourself on nights when "I could have done more" regrets don't stop

Whether it’s sudden death, passing after a long illness, or euthanasia, every cat’s journey to the afterlife is unique. Because no two departures are the same, it is difficult to heal your sorrow or pain, even when talking to someone in similar circumstances.

No matter how much you did your best while they were alive, it is a common part of pet loss to blame yourself after caring for a beloved cat in their final moments, wondering, "Could I have done more…?"

In such times, we tend to say only harsh things to ourselves, but your departed companion would surely not want that. Based on my own experience, I would like to share some words you should tell yourself on those nights when your heart aches.

To your beloved cat, you were the best owner

"If I hadn't been their owner, maybe they could have lived longer..." When we lose a cat young or have regrets about their treatment, such feelings of self-denial can surface.

Honestly, I was the same. After losing my cat Jiji, every day was filled with self-reproach. Jiji didn't get along very well with my other cat, Kotaro, and would only show affection when it was just the two of us.

To avoid being seen by the other cats, she would purr especially loudly when we were alone, letting me know how happy she was.

Because that was her personality, after losing Jiji, I blamed my ten-year-old self for choosing to have multiple cats.

If I had chosen to have only one cat back then, maybe she would have had less stress and lived longer. Maybe she would have been happier in another home. The "what ifs" were endless.

Unable to bear the pain, one day I told my husband how I felt. After listening quietly, he said something I never expected: "Maybe she lived as long as she did precisely because you were her owner."

I pushed back at his kindness, saying, "That's not true," but he still affirmed the way I had loved her. He reminded me how I was particular about the quality of her food, how I discovered her heart condition early, and how I desperately searched for treatments for her hemangiosarcoma... He said that from an outside perspective, he thought I was a good owner.

I felt so saved by those words, coming from a family member who had watched us both closely.

To be honest, I don't really know what a "good owner" is. After all, humans are just imagining a cat's feelings and providing care and support based on that. But seeing other owners, I think: if you have the desire to "know," "understand," and "protect" them, you are likely already a good owner.

I believe that the very fact you are wondering, "Was I a good owner?" proves that you were indeed the best owner for your cat. Thinking and worrying like this is proof that you loved that life with all your heart.

Even though regrets may come endlessly, as long as your love was true, I believe you were the best owner possible.

Looking back, while Jiji had an independent spirit, she would sometimes groom the other cat and cuddle with them. I thought I had caused her nothing but stress, but perhaps there were emotions she only came to know because she lived in our home and had me as her owner.

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