The day after I had a "mysterious dream" where I wished to adopt a cat with the same pattern as my deceased beloved cat

Ever since I lost my beloved cat Gigi in May 2025, the cat-shaped hole in my heart has refused to close. The hardest part of pet loss is how your heart tightens when you are suddenly reminded of them—it’s like being hit with a body blow when you least expect it.

There are so many moments when Gigi comes to mind and heart: passing by a veterinary clinic or catching sight of her favorite treats at the supermarket. Living through days like these, a feeling began to sprout: "I want to welcome a tortoiseshell cat just like Gigi."

Wanting to welcome a “tortoiseshell cat” just like my late cat

Choosing to bring home a cat with the same coat pattern as a cat you have lost requires a lot of resolve. This is because you must never view the new arrival as a "replacement" for the one you lost.

No matter how much they resemble each other or how much I see her shadow in them, they are each completely unique lives. I didn't have the confidence to believe that, which is why when I lost Leo, the ginger tabby kitten I lived with for only a week, it took me about three or four years before I could bring another ginger tabby home.

Because I spent a long 11 years with Gigi, I thought that perhaps I might never be able to welcome another tortoiseshell cat for the rest of my life.

But one day, my frame of mind changed. On my way to the supermarket, a song I often listened to when taking Gigi to the vet happened to play in the car. I couldn't help but cry, of course, but at the same time, a thought occurred to me.

It wouldn't be a replacement; I wanted to cherish a tortoiseshell cat to make up for the time Gigi couldn't live. Using all the lessons I learned from Gigi, I want to pour my love into a tortoiseshell cat—a type that often struggles to find a home.

Once I thought that way, I started checking the foster listings at my local animal shelter (*they do not perform culling) every single day.

Drawn to a tortoiseshell kitten listed at the shelter

In early December 2025, my eyes caught a listing for a tortoiseshell kitten. Her round, somewhat un-catlike face reminded me of Gigi, and I was instantly captivated.

Should I bring her home? I wanted to, but there was a reason I couldn't make an immediate decision. My tabby cat, Kotaro, has a sensitive personality and is easily affected by environmental changes. When I brought home our younger ginger tabby, Leon, Kotaro hissed at him constantly and even stopped using the litter box that Leon had used.

Incidentally, the issue of them not sharing litter boxes continues even now that they've become friends.

When you want to welcome a new cat, prioritizing the feelings of your existing cats is essential. So, I checked the shelter's website many times a day, trapped in a conflict between my desire to welcome her and the fear that it might be too difficult.

After much deliberation, I decided to set a deadline. I felt it would be sad for her to spend the holidays at the shelter, so I decided that if no one else had adopted her by Christmas, I would take her in.

Torn between hoping for an adopter and wanting her for myself

There was one more reason I was hesitant. The tortoiseshell kitten had a sibling, a torbie kitten.

If there was a family that could take both of them, they would be happier together. So, I kept watching over the two of them while checking the shelter’s website every single day.

As I watched them, my desire to welcome the tortoiseshell kitten only grew. Other cats besides the tortoiseshell and the torbie were finding homes within about a week.

I wanted someone to adopt them, yet I didn't. With those complex feelings, I watched over the pair until the deadline I had set for myself.

As Christmas approached, they were still listed for adoption. It seemed sad to separate the siblings, but maybe I should just take the tortoiseshell kitten. With that, I talked to my husband for the first time about wanting to adopt a tortoiseshell cat from the shelter.

When I showed him a picture of the kitten, he said, "She really does look a bit like Gigi, doesn't she (haha)," and showed support for welcoming a new cat, telling me I should do what I felt was right.

Encouraged by his words, I decided to move my self-imposed deadline up a little. I decided that if no one had adopted her by Christmas, I would take her home.

A “strange dream” while considering adoption and what followed

On December 23rd, just before Christmas, I had a strange dream. My late Gigi appeared, but with half her fur missing. She looked pitiful, so I approached her with concern, but Gigi seemed completely fine.

As I watched for a while, a little bit of black fur began to grow on the bare patch, and Gigi looked straight at me before disappearing.

I woke up right as Gigi vanished, thinking, "Could she be in the middle of being reborn, and this is her way of telling me to wait...?" I checked the shelter's website as I always do. Both the tortoiseshell and the torbie kitten were gone from the listing—they had been adopted.

Gigi, did you somehow use your power to keep me from meeting that tortoiseshell kitten...?

I am a realist who doesn't usually believe in spiritual things, but at that moment, I couldn't help but think so.

Maybe Gigi is searching for a way to be reunited with me from heaven, in her own way. If that’s the case, I have no choice but to wait. With that, my perception of "life after losing my cat" has changed a little.

Right now is a preparation period until we meet again. Gigi must be busy picking out her favorite coat pattern, so I've been able to move forward a little, determined to prioritize cats in this moment as well.

Gigi was gentle, but she also had a stubborn side—once she decided on something, she wouldn't budge. So, I’m sure she won’t compromise on her coat pattern until she finds one that makes her think, "This is it!"

Gigi, I’m confident that I can love you for the rest of your life no matter what you look like, so please, hurry up and choose your coat pattern as soon as you can. May this request from your hopeless human servant, who misses you so much she wants to hold you just one more time, reach the heavens.

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