The day I thought, "A cat is a bond," I was able to accept a life without children.

"Children are a bond between husband and wife." Whenever I heard or saw that phrase, I, unable to have children, would sometimes feel a sense of loneliness.

Do my husband and I lack a "bond" because we don't have our own child, making our connection fragile? It was when I was feeling this fuzzy discomfort that my beloved cats rescued my heart, making me believe that "there is indeed a deep bond between my husband and me."

Welcoming a "cat" into a life without children

I have a congenital heart condition. Before I turned 18, my primary doctor told me, "You must not get pregnant or give birth," and so I inevitably embarked on a life without children.

When pregnancy and childbirth are forbidden by others before you even consider whether you want children, it becomes difficult to know your true feelings. Even now, I don't know if I wanted children or not.

My ex-husband was good at playing with children. I talked about my disability and inability to have children, and we got married after he accepted it, but every time I saw him happily playing with his nephew, my heart would darken. The sight of something I could never create was too dazzling.

Living a married life with this conflict, we welcomed a calico cat named Gigi. Gigi, with her face and clumsy demeanor that weren't very "cat-like," brought many smiles to our faces.

Over many years of living together, conversations between my husband and me had gradually decreased, but after welcoming Gigi, we started showing each other photos and having more conversations, saying things like, "Look, she was in this pose today (laughs)."

They say children are a bond, but perhaps cats can also be a bond for a married couple... Thinking this, I was happy to have found such an important "bond" for myself.

My beloved cat, who was a "bond," became a reason to live

However, the role my beloved cats played went beyond just being a "bond." After welcoming Gigi, we also welcomed Kotaro, a tabby, and Leon, an orange tabby, and after becoming a big family, I divorced my ex-husband.

Living alone quietly in a room filled with memories of my ex-husband. Honestly, my mental health took a hit, and a sense of loneliness overwhelmed me.

There were days when I thought, "I've tried hard enough, whatever happens is fine now." But I was able to keep going because I had my beloved cats, who would respond when I spoke to them.

I felt the warmth of my cats, who would chat with me even if I didn't initiate the conversation, or simply just stay by my side, and I was able to pull myself together, thinking, "I can't leave these children behind."

At that moment, I realized for the first time that when the bond of a marriage breaks, and the role of a "bond" is fulfilled, a beloved cat can become like "one's own child that must be protected" and a reason for the owner to live.

It's no exaggeration to say that there were many days I survived because my beloved cats were there.

The role of a beloved cat, extending beyond just a "bond"

Several years after my divorce, I started living with my current husband. My husband is the type of person who chose a child-free life by his own will. Because of this, I was able to lead a more comfortable married life, without self-deprecating thoughts like, "It's my fault I can't have children..."

Once my life with my husband began, my beloved cats once again became like a "bond." My husband is not someone who usually takes photos spontaneously. Yet, since we started living together, he has frequently started taking pictures of our cats.

Every time he sends me photos he took with reasons like, "The cats' poses were in sync, it was funny," or "they had such an expressive face (laughs)," I feel heartwarming and at the same time, I'm amazed at the power of cats to change the behavior patterns of an adult.

Among our beloved cats, Leon, the orange tabby, is particularly fond of my husband. When my husband is feeling down, Leon comes over and sits still beside him.

When we first started living together, after stroking Leon while saying "Thank you for worrying about me," my husband later expressed surprise at the change in his own heart, saying, "I guess sometimes cats can truly heal and help you..."

There are days when the warmth of a beloved cat is more comforting than any words of consolation. I felt that beloved cats not only serve as a "bond" to deepen a couple's connection but also heal weary hearts and gently fill gaps in a relationship that words cannot.

Finally accepting a life without children

Gigi, who passed away last year, taught me the true essence of family with her life. Because my upbringing was not ideal, I had a habit of feeling distrustful even towards the family I created myself.

This person will betray me someday too. I shouldn't open my heart or show my weaknesses—I lived my life tense with such thoughts.

But when I saw my husband, who bought Gigi her favorite strawberries during her illness and cried profusely at her passing even though they had only lived together for three years, I naturally realized, "Ah, this is what family is."

Gigi not only served as a bond for my husband and me but also, with her entire being, taught me what "family" truly means. She is a benefactor and a mentor in my life.

Our beloved cats, who doze between us and engage in playful battles with my husband over tuna, will continue to be an important bond for my husband and me. Now, I feel I can proudly say that even in a life without children, I am fortunate to have found such happiness.

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